I don't really know what this about. Boredom i guess but learning how to properly braid my hair got me a little too hyper, much more then i imagined it would and was upset i didn't capture the momentary happiness i decided to simply capture the aftermath of my frizzy mess of a hair.
I found out that my favourite book of all time
(Anna Karenina) is being turned into a modern movie (as there is currently two older versions i believe)
and the cast is quite disappointing. I mean how can Keira Knightley act as passionate and as insane as Anna??? My favourite character in the book is being played by someone i've never seen and i read that James McAvoy was suppossed to be in it, he would have quite easily made the film for me if he was, his acting is incredible, plus he's cute. I'm not sure how long until it will be till i read another book as beautiful as AK. Tolstoy is such an amazing writer, i've never in my whole time of reading, read anything that flowed so easy and incorperated so many hidden truths. I folded down about half
the page corners so i could later write down a quote i felt attacthed to. Enough about AK otherwise
i won't be able to stop talking about it.
I also realised that a reason why i've suddenly began to freak out about my wondering thoughts is because this past year i've changed quite a lot and due to my studies i never allowed room for those changes to come out of the water and now and over the last month i've been free to acknowledge these changes more willingly it has been an intense experience. I've never really known when to be truthful about things and when to let them go and so usually i just ignore them because it's easier but by doing this, these happenings stay in my mind until eventually i explode in some way or another... I generally don't want others sympathy so i don't tend to share things that make me sad to them. I don't want people to associate me with someone whose unhappy so again i don't tell people when that's the truth. I've been so scared of letting people know of those feelings they've stayed within me and every now and again i'd feel it more then ever, not knowing what it was at the time. All i knew is that this feeling crept upon me not often but when it did it was the exact same feeling as the last time. I've had chance to explore this feeling and it was the most loneliest and scariest thing i've allowed myself to do but i needed to understand what it was in order to move on.
I finally feel ready to move on from such darkness that was inside of me. It wasn't necessarily something that took over my life as a whole because for the majority of the time i was happy but it when it was present, i lost hope and that was what was most horrible of all. Without hope the world isn't a great place to be. I've had the chance to be alone and not feel alone and i think that's what i really needed. Loneliness is one of my biggest fears. It's innate in me to desire the company of others but what i really needed was to be alone and establish myself just a little bit so i could feel the peace needed for me not to be scared of that quietness anymore.
I feel at peace with myself again. HOORAY
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